For Parents of Teens
Teen dating abuse describes actual or threatened
acts of physical, sexual, psychological, and verbal harm by a partner,
boyfriend, girlfriend or someone wanting a romantic relationship. It
includes violence between two young people in a current or former
relationship and can occur among heterosexual or same-gender couples. It
can also include using the Internet, social networking sites, cell
phones, or text messaging to harass, pressure, or victimize.
Would Your Kids Talk to You?
A 2000 survey sponsored by Liz Claiborne showed
that while nearly three-fourths of parents (72%) believe their child
would turn to them if they were confronted with an abusive dating
partner, only half of the teens say they would talk to a parent. What
can you do?
Talk With Your Kids
While it’s never easy to bring up difficult
topics, parents have an obligation to discuss these issues with their
What You Can Say
- Develop an open relationship with your children.
Encourage them to talk about their feelings. Make sure they understand
the importance of having someone to turn to for advice and that it
doesn’t matter if it is you or an aunt, uncle, family friend or teacher.
- It is never too early to teach self-respect. No one
has the right to tell your teenager who to see, what to do, what to
wear, or to hit or control anyone.
- Let them know Teen Dating Violence is wrong and
they must seek help if they ever find themselves in a situation where
Teen Dating Violence occurs. Help them set personal limits and
boundaries of respect.
- Help them understand the difference between healthy
and unhealthy relationships:
- Healthy relationships
have open and honest communication and an even
playing field on which partners share power and control over decisions.
- Unhealthy relationships
have an imbalance in which one partner tries to
exercise control and power over the other through threats, emotional
abuse and physical abuse. At its most extreme, an unhealthy relationship
can include name-calling and insults, withholding of money or other
resources, threats to isolate a person from friends and family,
coercion, violent acts, stalking and significant physical injury.
Source: Prevention First, Dating Violence Tips for
Parents and Liz Claiborne Women’s Work, Love is not Abuse, A Parent’s
Handbook, How to Talk to Your Children About Developing Healthy
- I care about what happens to you. I love you and I
want to help.
- If you feel afraid, it may be abuse. Sometimes
people behave in ways that are scary and make you feel threatened --
even without using physical violence. Pay attention to your gut
- The abuse is not your fault. You are not to blame;
no matter how guilty the person doing this to you is trying to make you
feel. Your partner should not be doing this to you.
- It is the abuser who has a problem, not you. It is
not your responsibility to help this person change.
- It is important to talk about this. Many people who
have been victims of dating violence have been able to change their
lives after they began talking to others. If you don't want to talk with
me, find someone you trust and talk with that person.
Would you know what signs to look for if you suspected
your teen was in an abusive relationship?
Understanding Dating Violence [pdf]